


I am...

by nami_yu



Series: nami_yu's Ferdibert Week 2020 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crimson Flower Spoilers, Ferdibert Week 2020 (Fire Emblem), M/M, Post-Time Skip, Secrets, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25823569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nami_yu/pseuds/nami_yu
Summary: Ferdinand considered himself a very transparent person. Nothing is truly secret about him. His preferences, his ideals, his ambitions, everything was laid bare. He was the complete opposite of Hubert who even his birthday required extra steps to be privy to.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Series: nami_yu's Ferdibert Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870819
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	I am...

**Author's Note:**

> Day 2: Secret  
> I kind of hate this. I might rewrite this but for now, I'll just post it.

Ferdinand considered himself a very transparent person. Nothing is truly secret about him. His preferences, his ideals, his ambitions, everything was laid bare. He was the complete opposite of Hubert who even his birthday required extra steps to be privy to.

But there was one thing that Ferdinand kept under wraps, one thing he couldn’t afford to let anyone know. The reason why Ferdinand was obsessed to prove his worth. A secret he promised himself he would share with only one other person and that was his betrothed.

He and Hubert had taken their wedding oaths on a bloody battlefield. Overwhelmed by emotions, Ferdinand had initiated a kiss which Hubert accepted, more than willing. With their allies as witness, they spoke their vows, to stay together in sickness and in health, to be by each other’s side and to love “Till death do us part” as Ferdinand dramatical flair insisted. Hubert, despite his monotonous voice, expressed more emotion than usual during it. Dorothea could not resist commenting on it. It was a fairly short moment but a moment Ferdinand will cherish all his life.

That was why he had to share this secret with Hubert.

They were back in Garreg Mach to recover and celebrate their victory. The future was now in their hands, efforts will be geared towards planning and reorganizing this new Fodlan. It will be challenging, terrifying and time consuming.

For today, it was time to rest, to return to loved ones, to recuperate.

Today is the day Ferdinand will tell Hubert.

He was in Hubert’s room, on his bed while Hubert handed him a cup of Seiros Tea. Hubert had all three of Ferdinand’s favoured tea in his room despite his aversion to the beverage. Ferdinand found it charming. He accepted the cup with both his hands, staring into the liquid.

“What is on your mind, Ferdinand?” Hubert asked, taking his own seat on the bed. Ferdinand had asked to come to his room this morning, the look on his face was determination. It was a tell. Today will be a heavy discussion.

“I…have something to show you,” Ferdinand whispered. He stood up from the bed, his moves deliberate as if he was delaying the inevitable. He placed his cup on the bedside table before he proceeded to take off the white shirt he had on, exposing the sun-kissed back that held scars of battle. He was facing forward, still not facing Hubert until the piece of clothing was completely off.

Taking a few more deep breaths, he turned, finally facing Hubert. Giving Hubert a full view of what he was trying to show. Hubert remained silent even as he saw it, waiting for Ferdinand.

Nervously, the paladin scratched at his chest, right above the mark staining his skin. A stain that will forever rule his life. A mark that reminded himself who he really was.

The Aegir insignia scarred the skin right above Ferdinand’s heart.

The raised skin was a reminder of who he was supposed to be. He was to be Ferdinand von Aegir, the eldest legitimate son of the Aegir family and he fulfilled that role for 20 years. 20 years since he was just Ferdinand, an orphan refugee taken care of at the orphanage in Gautier lands. 20 years since a man came and took him away, telling him that he was to be Prime Minister Aegir’s only son.

It took a lot of avoidance and false confidence to keep the mark unseen, swallowing pain to avoid a full-body examination and insisting that Linhardt take care of his injuries since Linhardt would heal over clothing just to avoid seeing gashes or more specifically blood. (The only exception was Caspar but the reason for that was obvious.)

He has done well to hide this branding. But he was now willingly letting someone see it. Ferdinand had always been a romantic, the kind to hide nothing from the one he loves. Just as his lover had enough trust in him to share his childhood, Ferdinand thought it was only appropriate to reciprocate with tales of his own.

Yet he could not help the way his heart skips beats, the way his breathing shortened or how his hands would not still no matter how hard he gripped them. He was scared. Scared of how Hubert would see him. Scared that Hubert would choose to break the vow. Scared that Hubert would call him a liar.

And he was.

He never had a last name. He was left at the orphanage when he was but a baby, nameless. A woman in the orphanage named him Ferdinand because she had wanted that name for her unborn child. Even his first name wasn’t his own.

Explaining this branding to Hubert meant explaining his whole existence. The act of stripping down his shirt signified much more. He was exposing himself in more than a physical sense.

“I got this mark burned into my skin at age 4,” he decided to begin with that, knowing more than seeing the calculating look that pulled at the muscles of Hubert’s face; a look he would have when he was met with a puzzle or a riddle.

Ferdinand’s head felt heavy, unwilling to lift up his head for the entirety of the conversation. He sat back down next to Hubert.

“I had just been taken to Aegir lands,” his tongue continued but it was as if he wasn’t the one speaking. “A servant of Prime Minister Aegir had come to the orphanage I belonged to. He drew blood from every child’s arm and after some odd procedures, he told the owner that he wanted me. I only knew later that it was to check if any of the orphans had a crest. I was the only one who did.”

Hubert was silent but it was easy to guess that he was picking apart every word that came out of the amber-haired general’s mouth.

“After the branding, I was taken to a room where healers took care of the wound and I was told something extraordinary. From that day onwards, I was Ferdinand von Aegir, the legitimate son of Ludwig von Aegir and Helena von Aegir.”

“You can imagine my surprise. One day I was a dirty orphan who could barely read and write, the next I was to be the son of a noble. I could eat when I wanted, slept in comfortable beds and have people who I could call family. It was a dream come true.” Ferdinand chuckled, reminiscing how excited he had been at the news. He had dreamt of a family, a home for himself. He envied the children he saw in town, their hands held in the strong hands of their father or the gentle hands of their mother. The caregivers were nice but they weren’t family. Ferdinand wanted a family of his own.

“Of course, it was not as I imagined. I was lucky my appearance was similar to Minister Aegir so none of my physical appearance was changed. But my attitude was a problem. Children of the noble were efficient in many things already at the age of four, be it in table manners or in weapon handling. I had none of that. I was taught all sorts of etiquette. How to speak, act and think like a noble. The supposed family I now had, I barely saw any of them, spending most of my time with tutors instead. I was kept under watch at all times to correct the way I ate, the words I used, the way I held a cup. The threat of a beating was constantly looming over my head if I missed one question or acted a hair out of line,” he sighed.

The tutors had been strict, words stern and unfeeling. They brandished a wooden stick like a sword, quick to hit him if he made the slightest mistake. His childhood was coloured with bruises. “And I was terrified. I forced myself to memorize everything, every etiquette, every rule, every word. I constantly stayed up to make time for studying and training that it became a habit. I even practiced my speech so much to make sure I sounded like a noble.”

“That explains a lot.” Hubert spoke for the first time since the revelation.

Ferdinand chuckled. He knew of his reputation and it used to bother him. Nowadays, he ignored them for the most part.

“I made myself Ferdinand von Aegir.”

He remembered repeating that name in front of a mirror over and overt to commit it to memory. It was probably why he continuously said it out loud.

“Words escape me at the moment. I apologize.” Hubert let out a breath, thinking.

“Ar-are you going to rescind your vows?” Ferdinand blurted out.

“You know me, Ferdinand. I never go back on my words.” Was Hubert’s sharp retort.

“You have every right to. You made a vow to share a life with Ferdinand von Aegir. Hubert, I am an imposter. An existence that never existed in the first place. I am a child from the streets pretending to be a noble. You…” Ferdinand knew he should be better composed than this but the matters of the heart were something he cared for deeply. He wanted Hubert to get what he deserved and Ferdinand was less than that.

“I am in love with you not because of your name or your bloodline. I gave my heart to the person who chose to stand for his ideals, a man who unrelentingly fought for his allies, his friends. If that man was not of Aegir blood, then I am more than delighted. I do not care whether or not you are a noble nor do I care that you had no last name.”

Ferdinand sobbed, cursing himself for it, especially at this very moment. He was supposed to be stronger than this. Hubert’s hand snaked around his lover’s waist and pulling him into his side, the strong shoulder of the paladin pressed up against Hubert’s own. He placed a kiss on the sun kissed forehead.

“Even if you didn’t have a last name, I will gladly give you the von Vestra name. You do not need to force yourself to do anything you do not want and you will definitely not need a branding to remind you.”

Hubert ran his finger over the mark, the Aegir symbol. He thought he had begun to stomach looking at it. He was even happy to receive letters marked by it. Now that he knew more of Ludwig von Aegir’s actions, of how the mark was burned into Ferdinand’s skin, he wished he could wipe this very mark from the face of the earth. That was two, Ludwig had caused two of his loved ones’ sufferings. House arrest was too light of a punishment and he will definitely bring this up to Emperor Edelgard.

Ferdinand’s breath hitched, feeling heat blooming where Hubert touched. Some days, the skin there throbbed, reminding him of how hot the metal had felt on his skin. It usually hurt but under Hubert’s ministrations, he didn’t feel pain. He felt excitement. Hubert’s touch always brought him excitement.

Hubert saw what his touch did to Ferdinand. His lover was vulnerable in every way at this very moment. His mind and body. He was baring everything for Hubert. That amount of trust he had for Hubert touched his cold heart in many ways. If he could love Ferdinand any more than he already did, he would.

“Would you like that? Would you like to be Ferdinand von Vestra? To take my name and wear it as your own? To tell everyone that you own my heart?” Hubert dragged his finger up to Ferdinand’s face, cupping his cheek, brushing over a pale freckle not many knew he had. He stared into those bright eyes, sparkling from tears but no less beautiful. Hubert enjoyed getting lost in his eyes.

“Yes, Hubert. A million times yes.” He said, raising his head to connect his lips to Hubert’s, the taste of desperation heavy on his tongue. Hubert devoured all of it, his want, his need, his love. Hubert took it all in the most feverish kiss they have had yet.

“Then we will make it official,” Hubert breathed, pulling away from the hungry kiss. Ferdinand fell forward, as if chasing Hubert’s lips but stopped by the hand around his waist. “There is no need to delay the preparations for our wedding, no?”

“H-huh?” Clarity returned to Ferdinand’s eyes and mind.

“We made a promise that day after we won against Seiros. We took our oath, swore to share our life. To me, it was enough but Lady Edelgard would not accept it. She insists that we have a whole ceremony for it. I think that is the best time to announce your new name no?” Hubert had a smirk on his lips, finding the idea more and more appealing. Announcing that the most sought-after bachelor in Enbarr as his own, his possessive side was leaping in joy.

He would deal with his emotions later. For now, he had a husband to dote over.

“I love you for who you are, Ferdinand. Even if you were never a noble by birth, it cannot take away the amount of effort you went through to be who you are today.”


End file.
